My son got diagnosed with ADHD today, the type that is combo, both types in one person. The psychologist who diagnosed him did so via computer, but he met with my son quite a few times over the computer, he also did an interview with my husband and I, and my husband, myself, and his teacher all did a number of diagnostics. I rated him the highest on everything. It makes me feel like I did it wrong. Or that I see him in the worst light or something. The psychologist said it could have something to do with the roles we play in his life, who knows?

The psychologist also recommended we get our son screened for Autism. I mean, I figured that would be what the psychologist picked up on first. This particular psychologist can diagnose ADHD, and he is only working virtually right now, and he doesn’t feel comfortable diagnosing Autism over the computer. So he did what he could do, and now we have to find someone who diagnoses Autism. There are also more cynical ways to read this scenario involving money, but I mean, having a legit ADHD diagnosis seems to be a net good.

My son’s birthday and birthday party were this week, too. I hadn’t seen cottonwood fluff floating about and was sad: I remembered how magical it had been the year I first remember seeing it, 2004. And how beautiful it was in my waning days as a pregnant person. And then! Just this week, the cottonwood fluff has returned.

The world is so awful right now, like horrifically bad. The worst school shooting since Sandy Hook, and at an elementary school again, too. The war in Ukraine just goes on and on. It’s been like this most of my life now. Atrocity after atrocity and nothing changes. The 90’s were a delite-full oasis in comparison, so airy, so light. We are right back on the nightmare timeline now. Buckle up! It’s more than just de-evolution. Like, it’s somewhat questionable if humans will survive, and motherfuckers are still like, “But what about the stockholders?”

It’s especially bad here, in the USA. We used to say that in college in the days before 9/11, oh it’s going to be so awful to have kids in a crumbling empire. We had no idea it would go this far, like there wasn’t a peaceful transfer of power. Trump never conceded. He thought hanging Mike Pence was fine. It’s so fucking bizarre.

Heaviness abounds. Sigh.