It’s been a big week. I got my second COVID bivalent booster. I am pumped about that, my last booster was in October of last year. I got my flu shot at the same time. I also got an eyelash tint and lift, which is basically an eyelash perm and dye. It looks like you are wearing mascara. Getting it done was intense, I worried about accidently opening my eyes and damaging my eyes with the chemicals. But I prevailed! Now I look like I am wearing some makeup. I don’t know if I will get it again, but it’s fun to try at least once. The queen died yesterday. I liked the queen as a person but I think the monarchy is as dumb of an institution as there is in the whole wide world. The queen did it well, however. She was funny and liked corgis; I suspect she would have been a fascinating person to chat with. I am curious to see what happens to the monarchy in her absence, I have a feeling it might be similar to what happened to my family of origin upon the death of my grandfather, that is to say, it might unravel.

AND

This week was the big autism reveal! I met with a psychologist in July for an interview. She thought she might be able to give me an “informal” diagnosis from an interview with me, followed by a subsequent one with my husband and me. I apparently masked too well to qualify for this informal diagnosis, so I ended up taking the ADOS II in August. I got the results this week.

AND

I’m autistic! Hooray!

She said I was “very, very high functioning” and would have been diagnosed with Asperger’s if I had been diagnosed 10 years prior. To me, that seems hilarious, I definitely do NOT feel like a high functioning individual in any sense of the word, but I guess for an autistic person, I somewhat am? Maybe? Still sussing all that out. Going in I thought maybe I would be diagnosed as Level 2 autism. She didn’t even seem familiar with the new classification system or the issues around functioning labels. I liked her anyway and I feel so relieved to finally have a label that feels comfy and warm.

I don’t have any regrets about being not being diagnosed sooner, I don’t think I was ready for it until now due to my totally incorrect assumptions about autism. Live and learn. Also, I feel better positioned to support and advocate for my son, who has been diagnosed with ADHD and has a full neuropysch eval coming up it January that is primarily looking for Autism. I know if he had been diagnosed as a little guy I would have ABA’d the fuck out of of him in an attempt to make him more palatable to the neurotypical world. Thank god that didn’t happen!

I am not one of those people who believes everything happens for a reason because that is such a cruel logic, but I do feel I am on a good path right now. Who can say how long it will last? I am just content to have this new confirmation about what I believed about myself. Watch out world, I just might #actuallyautistic everything from now on!

This is an important post for all the reasons mentioned above, but also because I am writing on my laptop rather that my phone. Even though I am a shitty typist who looks at the keys a lot, using the computer allowed me to get my thoughts out with a speed I couldn’t imagine when writing on my phone. Feeling content today, like I made something more efficient in a way that helps me, rather than helps capitalism or my output or bottom line. It has been a BIG WEEK y’all.